MY LAGOS DIARY: EPISODE 3

The  Police is Your Frenemy
By Koko Wanjiru Davids

I had two interesting encounters with the police on the streets of Lagos in less than a month. Two unforgettable moments that have been etched into "My Lagos Diary."

Lenses360 Reality series: My Lagos Diary

EPISODE 2: Agege Without Bread

By Koko Wanjiru Ekpo-Davids

This is a rather hilarious story of an experience my husband and I had back in May.This story is so ridiculous, it had to end up in the pages of “My Lagos Diary.” I'd been indecisive about posting it but oh well...here it goes!

My Lagos Diary Series (Episode One)

A Tale of Two Traffic Jams

by Koko Wanjiru Ekpo-Davids

Two nights ago as I was headed home from work, we ran into a terrible traffic jam. It was total lockdown; every car was at a standstill. For about 30 minutes...maybe longer, no vehicle moved...except the "okadas" ofcourse which were able to squeeze through every available little space. ...

I said a little prayer 'cos I just needed to get home...it had been a tiring day. Well, my prayer was answered because shortly after, things started to ease off. As the driver was trying to maneuver his way into the lane that was seemingly moving quicker...our car kissed the side of the bumper of the car beside us. It was more like a peck...lol...and there was no major damage.

But in a few seconds, the back passenger door of the affected car swung open, the owner emerges boiling with anger, comes over to our driver and yells at him "come down from there!"...he obeys and steps out of the car. Angry man enters the car, switches off the engine, removes the key, bangs the door, then screams to my driver "I don't want to hear sorry. You're not going anywhere o! I will impound this car and have you locked up at the Navy barracks."

Me: I just sat put watching the unnecessary drama play out. For crying out loud the driver already apologized and there was no damage to this man's car...just a scratch that some good old brake fluid could erase (don't ask me how I know!). I didn't see why this man was causing such a ruckus and besides, a few "agberos" had gathered around the scene...I was feeling unsafe.
The man continues on his rant: "I don't know what is wrong with all you drivers! And why can't your madam come down from the car, why is she just sitting there like that!" He carried on and on.

Well I did come out and the man (who's old enough to be my father) starts venting, asking me why I didn't jump out after his car was hit to assess the situation. An exasperated me says: "Oga I'm very sorry for what happened. I'm sorry. I will advise him to be more cautious when driving." By now, our driver had already worked the brake fluid magic on the scratch. Angry car owner then places his hand on my arm and in a more subdued tone, doles out some advice to me. One of the agbero bystanders cheekily says "Oga why you dey touch pesin wife like that na?" I couldn't help but laugh. Angry car owner barks at them "do you have any business in this matter? Leave this place."

He eventually hands back my car key, and enters his own car. I get back in the car and the same agberos come to my window "ah aunty find me sometin na...I neva chop"...bla bla bla, they demanded. I wasn't having any of that. We drove off and I just wondered to myself "Lagos ehn!"

The next morning, we find ourselves in another traffic jam on my way to work. In my mind I'm like "not again." It's standstill for almost an hour then the worst happens...nature comes calling...and not number 1 o!!! I was beside myself. I tried to control nature but I couldn't...I'm not a superhuman you know? And I was no where near a restroom...we were in the middle of the expressway.

I started sweating and praying "Lord you said you'd never allow the righteous to see shame."
I thought "how will I just embarrass myself like this and in front of this driver? And on a day when I really took time to dress up."

Well again I prayed "Please help me Lord." Believe me I pray about everything...even the seemingly mundane issues. And God always answers.

Alas! The traffic starts flowing again, we spot a GTBank as we continue driving along and to cut the story short, their restroom was spotless! Nature didn't put me to shame and I got to work looking fine and all that!
The moral of the story is two-part...
1.There's no prayer too small for God to pay attention to. He's just like any parent is to a child...steadfastly loving and unfailing.
2. Lagos traffic will always happen!

Between Sir James and the Lagos "Prostitutes"

AkwaCross number one comedian, Sir James Essien took to his Facebook account to write: "For where Lagos Prostitutes are,  Uyo Prostitutes dey learn work!" 

LOL,  can we safely assume that he has tried out the night ladies from both cities?