Many years ago, on my 25th birthday, my dad
surprised me. He remembered my birthday!
He hitherto had no time for such “frivolities”.
He successfully conditioned mum not to think of any anniversaries. So their
wedding anniversary, birthdays and any other remembrances were simply ignored. It
was so bad that at some point, even I couldn’t remember my own birthday. You can
then understand my shock as I heard a knock on my door 5am on my 25th
birthday. I rolled lazily on my bed and asked half awake “Who is it?” Dad
opened the door ignoring my question totally, and sat at a corner of my bed. A million
micro thoughts ran through my mind instantly. I wondered where I had gone wrong
and what could warrant this early invasion. Though he had a sober look on his
face, there was a spark in his eyes that contrasted the morose feel his face
had. “Good morning Dad” I offered… less of a greeting and more of an attempt to
atone for whatever I had done wrong. “Happy birthday” he threw back at me. I was
jolted!
My superman dad had spent years of retirement, trying to
make up for years of family neglect. He was a hardworking civil servant who
worked hard to ensure his family never lacked. He worked like his life depended
on it, and lived like his work depended on it. This morning, as he sat on my
bed, he told me of how special I was, and gave me advices on how to navigate
through life. I fought back tears as I watched him speak and prayed silently
that he will live long enough to carry his grandchildren. As he made to get up
from the bed, he said “Errm, one more thing, YOU MUST MARRY BEFORE YOU ARE
THIRTY!” He went on to tell me the qualities that “Our wife” must have and why
she has to be younger than thirty. Yesterday, as I watched Pastor Adeboye,
leader of Nigeria’s largest Pentecostal denomination add three qualities to
that list, I smiled and said to myself, “these men are all the same”
A twitter user had shared a video where “Daddy G.O” raised a
number of marriage related issues. Top amongst which are “Don’t marry a woman
who is lazy, don’t marry a woman who cannot cook, don’t marry a man who has no
job,” and my personal favourite –“If a woman cannot pray for at least one hour,
don’t marry her!”. As expected, the video sent the Nigerian online space to
raptures as Nigerians battled to outdo each other in supporting, opposing and
even insulting the revered man of God.
I spoke with a friend who is a member of Pastor Adeboye’s
denomination and he said to me “Courage, it would have been easy to argue if
this wasn’t my spiritual father. But as it is, my hands are tied! Whoever hopes
to marry me must learn to pray for an hour non-stop!” This raised major concerns
for me. Would we have taken this issue less seriously if it came from someone
else? Is there anywhere in the bible that women are instructed to pray for at
least an hour in order to be “Marriage worthy”? if no, was daddy G.O. speaking
as a man or was he saying the mind of God? (He is reputed to be a major prophet
that hears directly from God). If these were mere personal sentiments, should
we take this advice lightly? How many Nigerian women can say truthfully without
fear of thunder firing them that they can pray for an hour non-stop daily?
Share your thoughts and sentiments in the comment box below…
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