Lenses360 Fiction: FINDING BAE by courage MBON

EPISODE 2

I smiled as I stepped into the reception. I read that somewhere I can’t really remember; maybe online or in one of those books that taught how to be the ideal new staff in any organization.
A beautiful lady in her mid-20s sat at the front desk. Her face lit up dramatically as I opened the door.  “Hello, good morning and welcome to Rainbow Fm.” She was all shades of awesome. Tall, light skinned and incredibly beautiful, her face mirrored the smile on my own face. “Media organizations never fail to impress.” I muttered inaudibly to myself. “Sirrrrr!” Her sonorous voice brought me back to reality. “Oh! Sorry, sorry! Errrm… My name is Frederick Ekong. I was asked to resume work here today!” I was already embarrassing myself on my first day at work. The smile on her face transformed into awe. She opened her mouth dramatically and exclaimed “Wowwwwww!” and then she whispered “The head of programmes told us how cerebral and talented you are!” I’ll take you to H.R first, then I’ll take you to the programmes’ department. But first, just know I’m your number one fan here o! before all these busy-body people come and start famzing*” How she switched from the polished and official receptionist to the gossipy colleague in less than a minute was beyond me. I smiled and assured her we were friends and she extended her right hand to me. As we shook hands, she switched back to the official demeanour “Pals?” “Sure, Pals!” I responded, and she led the way to the human resources manager’s office.

The HR manager was a petite man with a perfectly rounded pot belly. He smiled as we walked into his office and exclaimed “Fred Ekong!” “Good morning sir!” “Morning Fred! Please sit!” I sat on the chair opposite him and watched as the front desk lady walked gracefully out of the office. She turned at the door and shot me a charming smile complete with a wink as she shut the door.  “You did very well at the interview.” The HRM interrupted my wild imaginations.  “As a matter of fact, you outclassed the other applicants” He spoke slowly and paused intermittently to breathe heavy quantities of precious oxygen. I smiled and nodded as he spoke, praying silently that the mini orientation lecture should be as brief as possible. Speaking seemed to be a torturous exercise for him but slowly and painstakingly, Mr Jimoh Azeez took me through the Organogram, Corporate profile, vision and mission, as well as rules and regulations of Rainbow FM. Thirty minutes later, he dialled a number on the intercom and spoke softly into it. Sixty seconds later, the front desk lady showed up. “Take him round and come with him to the staff meeting at 8” “Yes sir!” she responded.

“You don’t want to know my name do you?” she asked with a scowl “OMG! I’m so sorry please, what is your name?” “I’m not telling! You’ll have to buy me lunch first.”  “That’s not a problem” “Yayyy, so we have a date at noon.” With that she took me by the hands and we toured the offices. Staff were generally friendly or at least they pretended to be. A lady at the accounts spoke to me about the staff welfare cooperative, she gave me a pamphlet and asked that I read and “get back to her”. Staff at the general office smiled and shook hands, each welcomed me and wished me a successful career. When we got to the live studio, a lady was live on air. We waited just outside the studio and watched her manoeuvre the console with an enviable dexterity. She glanced occasionally at us and looked away almost immediately. She paused for a music break, took off the heavy headset, flipping her hair as she did. “Enh hennn? What’s up Chidera and who is the gentleman with you?” “Mr Azeez asked me to show him around, he’s a new staff.” I stepped into the studio, “Good Morning, my name is Ekong. Fred Ekong” She was about to say something when the music came to an abrupt halt. “Shhhhhhhhh…” She whispered, placing her right index finger on her lips and pushing up the knob marked “Mic 1” on the console simultaneously “Beaudiful one there by Ice prince Zamani. Now thah song gehs me all emotional every single time! You’re still on to rainbow 102 poind 5 fm, we’ll play some more music to keep your Monday morning all spiced up, buh don forgeh thah breakfast lounge hits the airwaves ahd 8am. Keep ihd locked righd here!” Brymo’s  Ara rent the air as she pushed up another knob on the console. I was slightly amused by her forced American accent and my face may have betrayed my amusement “You’re all good yeah?” “Errmmm… yeah!” I responded, not sure if I was supposed to respond to that as it didn’t quite sound like a question. “So you’re the new kid on the block yeah? Night shift, that’s where you belong yeah? You’ll stay there up until you’ve cut your teeth yeah?” I nodded to everything she said, smiling as I did. “Oh come on! You ain’t just gonno nod at me yeah? You’re a damn presenter so you gotta learn how to talk yeah? OMG! Meanwhile, you don’t say words like damn on air. I’m sure you already know that Init?” “Sure I do!” “Beeyouteeful!” that’s better. Now run along, have you met the head of programmes? You should see him.” I nodded and made to leave as she wore the headset and made to turn on the mic. The front desk lady stepped out of the studio first and I followed suit. “My name is Kemi, thanks for asking!” she called after me. I made to apologize but she waved me aside. “Shut the door behind you sir” and she was back on air. Outside the studio, I smiled mischievously as I looked at the front desk lady. “Don’t worry, our lunch date still stands even though I already know your name!” “Odiego!” she retorted as we walked over to the head of programmes’ office.

The rest of the day went on smoothly. The staff meeting was very brief and I was officially introduced to members of staff. The head of programmes later assigned me a desk at the programmes department and showed me the programme schedule. I was placed on the evening ride and was to remain there all through my 3 months’ probation. I was to report to duty on 8am on weekdays and could close at noon so I could go home, rest and report back at 6pm. I called Imaobong at 11am and gave a detailed report of my first day at work. We laughed at Kemi’s “Phoneeh*” and she promised to stop by my house at 4pm.

At noon, Chidera came to my desk and practically dragged me to the canteen. Luckily, I was alone in the office at the time and so I didn’t have to bother about explaining her histrionics to colleagues. She ordered jollof rice and I asked to be given same. We drank from the same cup of smoothie and chatted as though we have been friends for years. Chidera told me about almost all the members of staff. She said who was rumoured to date who, who was rude and arrogant, the rich, the not so rich, and the perpetual debtors. She said I could call her “Chi-Chi” and promised to tune in later in the evening to listen to me debut on the evening ride. Chidera was taking the last sip of the smoothie when Kemi walked past us. “I see y’all already know yourselves yeah?” she didn’t look back and I’m sure she didn’t hear me reply “Not really!” Chidera scowled and said “Not really abi? Okay o!” I found her quite amusing and interesting. I apologized to her and explained that I said that for want of what to say. “Apology accepted” she muttered and we left the canteen. Outside the office block, Kemi was talking to a man in a range rover sports. “That’s her boyfriend” Chidera offered. “Na that guy dey make the small girl talk to people anyhow.” “He looks familiar” “You don’t know that guy? Hian!” “I just said he looks familiar, that means, there’s a chance I might know him!” “Hmmmmm! See how smooth and sweet you sound! I think the ladies will love you on the evening ride! When you become a star, shaaa remember I was there before all the small Uyo girls o!”  I grinned at her and said, “Chi-Chi who is that guy nah?” “That’s Tom Pele!” “The real Thomas Opele?” “No ooooo! The Aba own!”

{…to be continued}